Not quite the quarter life crisis – but I do like that concept. I will be 25 soon and actually, if I look at the life expectancy for (black) women, I’ve probably already reached a quarter of my life. Anyway, I’m content, no – happy to be where I am right now. I’m 24 goin on 30, right now craving boiled eggs and drinking top shelf wine on sale. Something about that is a touch bourgie and a touch poor – which makes sense because I’m some place in the middle. A working class kid who can play middle class as long as these graduate school checks ( or loans ) keep comin.
Anyway, so I’ve been thinking lately because I’m in a place I haven’t been much. In this “quarter” period I’m feeling more like an island than ever before. For the past double digit years, I’ve always felt like my best friends [one just texted me as soon as I typed best friend -an obvious omen or evidence of our telepathic abilities (i think that’s telepathy?) ]- and I were the ultimate and epitomic (okay, I made it up) model of best friends – even if we lose contact, we’re still there for the very important parts – childbirths, break ups, make ups, weddings (still waitin on this one), loss of loved ones, birthdays, breakdowns, need of a designated driver, graduations – you name it! We’re kind of there at those emergency times, too. Like the ones where you pray after a very long time because it seems the only option … well, sometimes, we’re that. Still, I always felt extremely connected except for a short period except for those short periods when like 2 yrs or so would go by without really talking to each other. But we were living our lives – working, school, boyfriends, travel, etc. The idea is that you come back from that and nothing feels like it’s changed.
Well, what happens if it’s not that easy? What happens when there isn’t just a physical time a part but somewhere along the line, it’s like a different time a part, not like emotional but some other intangible emotion. I don’t know what it is but it just feels present – like the God thing, so maybe I’ll say it’s the energy.
I connect this with the “quarter life crisis” because since this feeling is so foreign to me, it’s like is it an opening for a new period? Like the period when those tight friendship circles open up and grow and become like a wiry ridiculous shape without a name? Where young girls become women and tackle their own dreams – despite how different they may be from one another’s, no matter where it takes them physically, emotionally, etc.? I don’t know, I don’t know what it is but in this regard, I feel like an island.
If you were stranded on an island and you could take any one thing (that couldn’t be your safety net – of best friends), what would it be?
And I don’t know.